Love at first sight.

I watched the sweat shimmer on your collarbones as I listened to you tell me about your day. The street light just outside the window cast you in shadowy contrast. I watched you talk to me while you lay on your back, the gray sheet coming up only to your hips. You would talk, turn to look into my eyes, turn back and start talking again. You looked beautiful that night, not unlike most every night. But, to me, you looked more beautiful than ever just the way you were then. On your back, your hands under your head, looking at the ceiling. The light from outside hitting your left eye just right, so it looked like it was glowing. The inner animal, I remember thinking. For the life of me I couldn't remember what you were talking about. Work maybe? I only remember the burning and bubbling feeling in my guts. The longing and lonely feeling that I got when I thought about leaving you. I wanted nothing more than to lay in your arms and be held. I moved close to you. I remember I left a warm spot on the wall from my leaning on it. You put your right hand on my cheek and gave me a soft, fast kiss. "I love you" 

I don't remember much after that. I remember falling asleep on your bare chest, my cheek sticking to our mingled sweat that we had let dry on us. I remember you kissing my head and saying something I couldn't  really make out. I remember thinking that you must have said something beautiful and tragtic. But I didn't ask. 

I remember loving you completely. 

But you know what they say about love at first sight. 

You can't run from it. 

The window

It is always when I am riding in the car. With my arm hanging out the wide open front window, that I realize, the world can be calm. That the world is calm at that very moment. 

It is always when my arm is hanging out of the car window, the cold air running over my bear skin cooling not only my fingers, but my mind. 

It is always when the insects hit my hand and arm that I realize everything will be okay.

It is always when I feel the pressure of the air hold my hand, and when I feel the pressure and the cool and remember that it feels just like dipping your hand in deep water. And watching the ripples play on the surface....

It is always when I am in the car with the window open, my arm out, my hair down, that I feel the calm in the world wash over me. 

It is alway then that I wish I had.....

Wish I had...

I had...

I...

It's not that way , what have I done?

It's not that way

No matter what you say

Please believe me

It's not that way 

Today I was not so good

Yesterday I walked in the rain with no hood

But yesterday no one said I could

If it weren't for you

It won't work with you

I am sorry for you

It's not that way 

I was happy on that day

But then you showed me the way

You acted when 

I couldn't come

Now call and talk 

But day nothing really 

I remember when you used to thrill me

But now this way 

You just ill me

 Sorry if I've said I wanted to go

But now that I'm talking to the you I know

I know now I never wanted to go

I said what I said

I can't take it back

But I'm not like you like that

I can't 

I won't

I don't like you like that

I'm sorry

It's not that way