Four hours

20 minutes: a dull throbbing 

30 minutes: a slight yet sharp pain

45 minutes: a strong mean pain

1 hour: a hateful and intense swelling hurt

1 hour & 30 minutes: the tears roll down my cheeks as free as a bird and my mouth is a throbbing, sick animal

2 hours: my whimpering and crying and praying do nothing to stop the pain in my jaw 

2 hours & 45 minutes: I am crying and screaming (in my head) and begging for either relief or death to come and save me. I am standing and holding myself up with the wall and crying, hard. No one can help and nothing is happening. On a scale of one to ten, ten being the worst pain you have ever felt in your whole fucking life, how bad does it hurt? 10. I assume this is as close to the feeling of childbirth or breaking my shin as I will ever get at the point in my life. 

3 hours: I have come to the conclusion that I will soon die. My level of pain seems to be incompatible with life. Now, only to lay on the floor and await my fate. 

3 hours & 30 minutes: I have just stopped crying and whimpering long enough to eat a small bowl of food so I will be able to take my god-sent medication. It takes around 25-30 minutes to work. The pain in my face has subsided on its own. Now it is only a dull, throbbing pain. Looks like its leaving the same way it came in. Don't let the door hit you on the way out you son of a bitch!

4 hours: I found myself laying in bed, thankful that relief, and not Gentleman Death, is on it's way.  My face is puffy and red from two and a half hours of crying. I neck is stiff and painful from being moved and twisted in odd ways to somehow help the now non-deadly pain in my mouth.  My eyes are bloodshot and raw, and my mind is a mess. It is now 4:40 in the morning and I must wake up at 8:40 to take my medication so I don't have to repeat this little break down again. I must sleep, my botched root canal can't wait much longer. God damn me for trying to die on the week end! Damn dentist for fucking it up in the first place. 

Dear blog, 

You kept me from ripping my face off for the last half hour. Thank you. Goodnight. 

Dancing in the stars

On our walk our legs got tried 

We stopped in the cool grass to rest and talk

We felt the dew on our toes

We felt the breeze in our hair

We felt the night humming to us

We stopped talking and the night fell over us

We turned our faces to the sky 

And were blessed to see the stars

Too bright to be real

Too close to be fake

Too near not to be touched 

They called to us in their high clear voices

They told us to stay

They hold us with their words

We fell into the sky

We danced with the constellations

They were new, not in the space books

They were people and places and faces

They sang to us a beautiful and sad song

Everywhere we turn and looked

They were with us

Nothing we did went unseen by them

They were there only for tonight

They were love

They were fear

They were life

They were death

We laughed and cried at the beauty of these new stars 

We had never seen these before

The ones in the sky every night before were not the same

We felt drunk and high 

Off what? We did not know

They told us to remember

They told us to sleep

They told us to go home and remember what we've seen

We'll never see theses stars again

But we will never forget

Love at first sight.

I watched the sweat shimmer on your collarbones as I listened to you tell me about your day. The street light just outside the window cast you in shadowy contrast. I watched you talk to me while you lay on your back, the gray sheet coming up only to your hips. You would talk, turn to look into my eyes, turn back and start talking again. You looked beautiful that night, not unlike most every night. But, to me, you looked more beautiful than ever just the way you were then. On your back, your hands under your head, looking at the ceiling. The light from outside hitting your left eye just right, so it looked like it was glowing. The inner animal, I remember thinking. For the life of me I couldn't remember what you were talking about. Work maybe? I only remember the burning and bubbling feeling in my guts. The longing and lonely feeling that I got when I thought about leaving you. I wanted nothing more than to lay in your arms and be held. I moved close to you. I remember I left a warm spot on the wall from my leaning on it. You put your right hand on my cheek and gave me a soft, fast kiss. "I love you" 

I don't remember much after that. I remember falling asleep on your bare chest, my cheek sticking to our mingled sweat that we had let dry on us. I remember you kissing my head and saying something I couldn't  really make out. I remember thinking that you must have said something beautiful and tragtic. But I didn't ask. 

I remember loving you completely. 

But you know what they say about love at first sight. 

You can't run from it. 

The window

It is always when I am riding in the car. With my arm hanging out the wide open front window, that I realize, the world can be calm. That the world is calm at that very moment. 

It is always when my arm is hanging out of the car window, the cold air running over my bear skin cooling not only my fingers, but my mind. 

It is always when the insects hit my hand and arm that I realize everything will be okay.

It is always when I feel the pressure of the air hold my hand, and when I feel the pressure and the cool and remember that it feels just like dipping your hand in deep water. And watching the ripples play on the surface....

It is always when I am in the car with the window open, my arm out, my hair down, that I feel the calm in the world wash over me. 

It is alway then that I wish I had.....

Wish I had...

I had...

I...

It's not that way , what have I done?

It's not that way

No matter what you say

Please believe me

It's not that way 

Today I was not so good

Yesterday I walked in the rain with no hood

But yesterday no one said I could

If it weren't for you

It won't work with you

I am sorry for you

It's not that way 

I was happy on that day

But then you showed me the way

You acted when 

I couldn't come

Now call and talk 

But day nothing really 

I remember when you used to thrill me

But now this way 

You just ill me

 Sorry if I've said I wanted to go

But now that I'm talking to the you I know

I know now I never wanted to go

I said what I said

I can't take it back

But I'm not like you like that

I can't 

I won't

I don't like you like that

I'm sorry

It's not that way

Death wanted me

I was on my way home when my phone rang. I answered and to my dismay it was Father Time. He told me to walk home safely, he and his friend Mr. Death were have a drink and were looking for a fight. I hung up and called a cab. I it in and told the driver my address. We were four blocks away when my phone rang again. It was Mr. Death. 

He asked how my walk home was going. I told him I called a cab so I wouldn't get hurt walking. He made a strange noise. He started telling me a story about a man who had just broken up with his wife. And how this man went to the bar before work. Two shots and five beers later he left the pub for work. He told me about how this man could hold his drink well most of the time. But with his wife being a whore and all, he wasn't doing so well. Now this man was a danger to himself and everyone around him. 

I asked him what this sorry man did for a living. "Oh, he's a cab driver. He's driving you home. But in about a minute and a half he'll go 40 points over the Speed limit and rear end a wall. You'll die on impact and he will get two broken arms. He won't be able to live with the pain and the fact that he killed a beautiful young woman. He will take his life a yer later. Your family will go to his wake. They never blamed him for anything. You will be missed. I'll see you in 30 seconds. Bye." 

I put down my phone and got out my smokes. Lit one, ad had a nice long drag.  I looked at the driver. He did look drunk. Shit. Death wants me, and I'm alright with that. No matter what I did, Father Time and Mister Death were gonna get me. 

Jail Bait

Jail bait in black boots

Soft hair and no roots

Sunrise to sunset 

Jail Bait ain't shown you her best yet

From the Medieval to the Jet Set

Jail Bait will always take a bet

On the tuffest Guy on the baddest bike

To the meanest Bi 

Or the roughest dyke 

Burned and Broken

My neck is stiff

My arms hurt

My legs are raw

All from the longings and lustings of last night

My body is burned and my heart is broken

My thoughts are wild

My actions are mean

My words sting 

Only because I'm trying to figure out why to work you and I

My body is burned and my heart is broken

My eyes are red

My mouth is dry

My hands are empty

My lungs are weak

All from just one day

And watching you go away 

My body and bones are burned

My heart and soul are broken 

All this to you 

Was left unspoken 

Wo(man) FUCK THIS POEM.

Cold hands,
Warm heart,
Sharp nails,
Poison dart,
Soft skin,
Big eyes,
Red lips,
Wet thighs

With strong arms and hard legs
The better of the two is Woman
She may look weak
She may look small
But did you know she has the power to destroy all?

Ya really got it easy
You could vote
You could take her kids
You could lock her up
Don't you remember loving your Mom when you were a Pup?

She was made from you
God gave her the strength to deal with you
"This is now bone of my bone,
 flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman,
 because she was taken out of Man. - Genesis 2:23

WHY IS EVERYTHING I WRITE SHIT???
FUCK THIS POEM.
FUCK IT. 

I need to be truthful to myself
I need to feel beloved by myself

If you know what I mean
Can you be on my team
It isn't about the sex
But the sex is good
It is about soul touching soul

I fell in love
I knew I was
I knew you knew nothing
When I thought of you
My insides hurt
And my heart burned

But when the world turned
And I left
I cried
Sorrow in my soul
I thought you would never be mine

It was fine as long as I could see you
Look at you on the street
Imagine what you felt like
Imagine what you sounded like
Imagine what you loved like
But that would never be mine


What was I to do?
Follow you?
No
No hope in that
I was weird
It made you turn
It made me burn

Even when I was gone
You never left me
On my mind every night
I didn't feel right
I cried
I wrote letters
To tell you I loved you
But not anymore

It was a lie
I never stopped loving you
So many letters
So many lies
So many nights

My soul knew you somewhere before
It knew your soul
It couldn't let go
So I couldn't let go

I still feel dumb
For fighting for you
I fought when I thought you didn't care
But I was the one that didn't care

I wanted you to talk to me for hours
I wanted you to look upon me with wonder
I wanted you to see my love

I remember when I watched you watch TV
I tripped on you
I hit the ground face first
So close, yet so far
It wasn't fair

Nothing is as fair as you are now
You hold a power over me that I cannot be rid of
You could do anything to me
And I'd let you
It feels wrong
To let you get away with murder
 But I can't help myself

I don't want to lose you
I feel like you might find someone better
Someone who knows what their doing
I don't know what I'm doing
I don't know how to love you and make you happy
I know only you can make you happy
But I need to know I could do it
I don't know that
I don't know that there isn't someone who loves you more than I
Someone who you may love more

I feel dumb
You needed know this
I was in love with you for so long 

 

The Wise Talker

She is a talker

Not much of a walker

A mother fucking love mocker
She makes me wanna clock her

If she weren't worth money
That would be some sweet bloodhoney

I loved her, now what?

She was my thing
Thought of her every night
My feelings were a fight
It never felt very right
But now that she's mine
I don't even feel fine

All my love is gone like good wine
And I don't have the time
To spend on this tarnished dime

Endless days melt into slow nights
I am just waiting for the first of many fights
Fuck, if I don't want everyone to see her love bites

If she loves me

She don't know how to show it

I'll put out a fit

I'll bite down on the grip

Nah, not my thing

Every night for years

Now I can feel the hot wet tears

It runs down with all my fears

Is it worth fighting for?

I made her my sweet little whore

I can hear the beats through the floor

Down, down, down,

Black hole

Don't want to deal with the whole

But she's mine

And with me she feels fine

My 1 cent tarnished dime

Life sinks 

Love stinks 

But I fucking love all your kinks

What Makes It Better

Nothing makes it better
No one makes it better
If nothing and no one make it better
Nothing and no one can make it worse

The world is a mean place
God made it you who's gotta face
The fire coming your way

But on a better day
Someone somewhere can make it go away
 But you gotta want it
Want them to save the day
But also want the gray

You make your world how it is
You make the day bright
You make it out of sight

I feel the teeth of fate in my ankle
I feel the blood of life running
I feel the light-headed daze of wonder coming
I feel life happening

But to feel it
I had to want to
And so I did

It Isn't, But It Is

It isn't you

It isn't me

It isn't them

It isn't us

It is love

It is life

It is pain

It is strife

It isn't Him

It isn't He

It isn't you

It isn't me

It is to love

It is to free

It is to be

It is to see

It is for you

It is for me

I want to see what we can be

For now I hurt

And now you love

And it is you who I hold above

All else

I want to feel your strong pulse

I want to hold you when you're weak

I want to make you feel not too meek

Because you do for me what I cannot

You hold me tight and when I fought

You held me harder and talked to me

I want to be for you what you are for me

In time we'll grow

In time we'll know

In time our love will glow

So now I show to you what you are

You are an angel to me by far

And take me away in a red winged car

And take you to a lovely bar 

Life Unplanned

Unplanned goes on and on
Unplanned like the birth of Christ
Unplanned like they rolled the dice

Fucked over while doubled over
Over and over
Ever changing and ever dazing
Never staying and never making-

Decisions
Divisions
Always tired are the road demons
To heed the call of the universe
Is to climb in to the back of a hearse
None of it rehearsed

What comes first?
A burst?
Light like a supernova and
Burning to the ground
My mind goes away with a rebounding  sound

Lady Luck is a bitch
Kill her and put her in a ditch
Get that Damn thing off the hitch

Unplanned like a ship unmanned
Flags at half mast
As we drive passed
Drive to the ends of the earth

Love was what I wanted first
Gone in that light slash burst

To be clear

To clear my mind
I need my time
Don't rush me

I am uncomfortable in my skin
I am comfortable in my sin
You are uncomfortable with how we've been

But how have we been?
Can you hear over the din?
Too many words and too any people
I'll climb to the top of the church steeple

In you I am ankle deep
And you can crush me into a heap
So I'll just listen to you in your sleep
While you dream silent and deep

To hear the words and hum the hymns
To be near other beings
To hold your hands and listen to bands

Not to give in to consumerist brands

Just to be clear
I don't know what I want
And just to be fair
I don't know when or where
I'll find the strength to even dare

I'm losing sleep over you
Oh, what's a poor girl to do?
Can I get a rest?
No, not when you look your best
Packer, Adam, Daniel
They must be lookin' so painful

Baby, maybe, maybe you drive me crazy
Crazy, lazy, dazed and fazed

Girl, You got my mind
Where ever did you find?
Out we come to know what that means
Slip me that poison, slip me that poison
To remove the tension

Baby, maybe, maybe you drive me crazy
Crazy, lazy, dazed and fazed

Lust swarms my body like locusts
Swarm your body like molten latex
You ain't got nothin' I can't fix

Baby, maybe, maybe you drive me crazy
Crazy, lazy, dazed and oh so fa fa fazed

Gone from Africa

A wave of dark, warm skin
Exotic voices and new smells
What have we to hate?
They, by far, are the more interesting
The light hoards of uncommonly common commoners bore the most lowly of lows

Yet they, they who are animals of the night brought forth Into the light, to walk in the white sea without a thought, are the ones who should hate

Light has hated dark for so long, yet they, the Exotic, are not scared

They are people like you and I
They live like Buck and Doe

I am a follower of the Ones without hate
No hate, yet fear
Sometimes

Coffee

Coffee can't cure all ills
So I guess its time for the pills
Acting heart sick, I feel like a dick
Come down, come quick, before I take my pick
I'm a fool in the rain, I'm a fool in pain
Watching my makeup run
Gotta find something else that rhymes with run
It can't always be "Fun"

To Cain and my dearest Abel

Misunderstood are the followers of Cain that they may not look upon Abel Or turned into stone or pillar of salt

Might it be found by any fault that all men are scorned and not one but all roses thorned

Forged from the blood and heat of my keeper my faith in love and peace grows deeper

And when thus has passed and lord and land are menial I feel rapture critical

Be the hate in the world like the stone in the field

If not cared the earth shall open her mouth and receive the blood of our brethren

Thus we shall care and we must bare to the end!

O, I say unto you that you can fall back and hide from the world until thine pain is gone

The earth is not bad she is our mother of all and she loves no matter how badly appalled

It is up to us to uphold and walk as gentleman death is so bold

To my Lord who favor my brother I shall now look to the outside world

I am of the world yet could not  be further from it

On Camel back we move and move because the lies she said have been proved

To my Lady Land and God the lord it is you who shall yield the sword

Kut it off

Run down the street to leave everyone behind
Pull out all the stops and hit it at every spot
Take poison to remover their words from you mind

Cut them off

Play music, prise fight, trophy wife
Be the black cat
If I walk your way all you'll have the next day is bad luck
But who really gives a good God fuck

Break the ties before anyone else dies
Inside and out you are only hurting yourself
Show it or not, a broken heart is always hot

Leave one day
Flee in anyway
Cut them off

Light

There. Right there. There is a street light hiding behind a tree. It casts no shadows onto the dew sprinkled grass beneath it. Beyond the light the trees look like a black wall. Or an endless abyss. It seems as If I were to walk towards the wood I would fall off the face of the earth. Fall to feel the nothingness that is non existence, of non being, of dreamless sleep. To think I could walk away from my cold park bench and head straight towards the end of everything, the beginning of everything. To fall weightless and unseeing, to feel nothing. The idea of bliss, the idea of nothing, the thought of feeling no more anything. Scary, is it not? No, I do not want to feel nothing, I want to feel everything at once! Every joy, every pain, every raindrop and dew fall the waking world has to give me. Because walking off into nothingness is a cop out.

So for now I have my cold park bench. I can feel the dew settling on me now, as I ponder nothingness and bliss, not feeling the very things I said I wanted to feel. And so goes the human condition. So knock off the silly day dreams and start living. Live life as if every breath is an erotic celebration in it's own right. Or live life erotic-ly. To each her own.

As I smoke

As I toke my cigarette I look for animals in the lacing smoke. Or better yet, your lovely face, your face might hide in that long forgotten place. Passing me and not seeing.

I drink flavorless water to get rid of that horrid taste.

I look down at my feet and see my white and pink striped socks showing themselves over the brim of my low ups. I also notice how nice the white of my socks looks agents the tanned olive skin of my ankle.

From my ankle my eyes move over the lines of my legs. From the curves of my calf to the straight line of my shin and from my shin to my knee, and thigh. From my thigh to my full hips and from there to my slightly tucked waist. And from waist to breasts. I know if I were to stand I would not be able to see my feet because of them. Above the line of my breasts is my collarbones, long and thin in the way they are. As I look from my collarbones to my arms I see how muscular they have become from all the manual labor I have been participating in. My shoulders and triceps are stronger than they have ever been. All the better to hold you to me. My forearms are lean and feminine yet strong and unyielding.

Seeing myself this way I think of how unimaginably teenaged I must look to the outside world. With my long side braided hair, dark denim cut-offs that show off my tan skin, graffiti Converse and over sized black Joey Ramone t-shirt. I would die before someone mistook me for a common high-schooler. 

I feel the smoke soaking into the lining of my lungs. It feels the way it feels when your words flow into my mind. Every letter falling into place lining up and making a sentence as wise and deep and sexy as they have ever been.

But as I take one of the last puffs I feel the heat of the smoke move through the filter and hit my lips. Not only is it time to put out the joint, it is also time to stop dueling on useless things. That is, my body won't be totally useless,  not to you.

Saddam to Gomorrah

In the big black city where the women are so pretty
I found a man, who upon me, would take pity
Walking alone, looking for a payphone, the road to sin was shown
He walked up, with his Coonhound pup, and handed me a cup
In it was the devil's juice, and with it I was put to good use
Fast cars, bad bars, the only thing that man didn't have was mars
Hey, Doll face, how did you end up in a place like this?
I had a rough night, I ain't looking for a fight, but, babe, if you're not careful we just might
From Saddam I went to Gomorrah and found a man, hair like fire and many to inspire
But when the Angeles of god came down and bread with the women, we all went swimming
That man and I, it felt like we could fly

Garbage Man

Tricksy Pixie Garbage Man!
You drive by and wave your hand!
I wave back from where I stand!
Tricksy Pixie Garbage Man!

Habit

They carry widows, carry tables
While I read Aesop's fables
Yield to all and nothing yield to thee, trust not the flatterers, appearances may illusions be
This is what that man told me
But habit found is a rabbit fed
May it breed and take over my head
All through the lining of my mind bound walls in it the rat of habit crawls
With gnashing teeth and scratching claws
I push it back with my bleeding paws
But yet I think this habit somewhat kind
And hope to God it may not find
My crazed and beloved peace of mind

My Forest

In my forest with the old walkways and homebound house cats
I walk and talk of things I have seen
Feet from main, I talk to you of my plan
Walk back to my forest to look at the plants
Yellow house, blue house, pink house
Now go on back to the lookout.

Good for burns

He Is mean
He is crass
He is drunk
But he is good for burns

He yells
He fights
He disagrees
But he is good for burns

No pink squirrels allowed
He needs no friends
Let him stair at your last empty corner
Don't kick him out, let him be a dick
But never deny that he is good for burns

$10,000 Reward

WANTED
Positively alive
My Imagination

My imagination is on the loose.
It stole a car and drove to Neverland.
It robbed a book store of it's precious memories. It hijacked a plane and went to the Sistine Chapel. It painted it's stories on the ceiling and overlaid the halls with gold leaf. It made a mockery of all our fears. It swept countless people off their feet and carried them away. I need your help to get it back before it does something truly astounding.

Music

Electric Guitar washes like cold rain

Synthesizer falls like snow

Drums reboot the  heartbeat

Bass moves like a melodic snake

Tambourine chimes your fortune

Lyrics a crash cart for the mind

Vocals the only gospel

The Time Is NOW!

My quite life is coming to an end. The time has come to put my liver through hell and my mind to the test. I am young, beautiful, and stupid. I am ready for nights of unlawful activity, shitty hipster music, pointless foreigners movies, drunken escapades, and awkward sexual contact.

In a way, nothing could be more beautiful.  Acting immature yet feeling the depth of the world around you. I am ready to listen with the consciousness of my body and let it go in one ear and out the other. I am going to get drunk and have someone hold my hair as a vomit, fall asleep on the floor of someone else's house, and be in the company of some really kickass people.

What shall I gain from all of this? 
Some really good memories and a great life afterwards. 

Lets hope all goes according to plan.

Burning

Skipped bail
I ain't goin' ta jail

If ya don't know, My names Hale

I did some things I shouldn't have done
And now I ain't havin' no fun

Now I am burning
Burning for the love I lost
Burning for the life I left
Burning for the gal I had

Only ever been a country boy
Alls I wanted was a new toy

Now I'm gonna burn
Burn for the love I had
Burn for the life I lived
Burn for the gal I hit

Holdin' up a shop was great
I just couldn't stop

Now I am burning
Burning for the men I killed
Burning for the families I hurt
Burning for my soul

The Devil is new my pal
He's burning me for the gun I stole

Mister Johnson

In my apartment complex I've  come to know one neighbor very well. Mister Johnson is the man who feeds my cat lunch.

When I moved into the East Side apartment complex two years ago I was lost. I had just started my new internship at the law office downtown and decided to move  out of my mother's house at last. Two years ago the East Side apartment complex was wet, shabby, damp, and in a bad part of town. But my safety was worth a can of pepper spray and a pink taser.

But never once did I have to use it. All my neighbors were kind and for the most part very elderly.

The manager of the complex wasn't supposed to let you have pets, she made a special exception for my handsome face. Taffy the tabby and I were thoroughly freaked out. Not only because almost everyone in the building was super old and could die at any minute, but also because we were pretty sure the Russian mafia was going to come-a- knocking.

All Suspicions aside, all the old people were nice. They all became my surrogate grandparents. As you can imagine I was invited over for many home cooked dinners. One with Alma and her mentally disabled son Mason, and every Tuesday was lunch with Nana Patterson and the poker group.

"Who's the lucky lady, Robbie?", asked Nana one Tuesday. "What?", "Yes! A nice young man like you most have some sweet little thing on the side.", she said. "Nana, I don't have a girlfriend.", "Well, why not?", "I guess I'm too busy. With school and work...", " And all that late night clubbing you young people do.", "...I don't think I'd be able to have a girlfriend and keep her happy
". And that was that.

When you live in a small apartment complex you might notice word gets around fast. So, now everyone knew me as the unhappy girlfriend-less young kid who lives on floor 3.  Fine by me.

One day I got a call from my mom. She told me my little brother had been in a car accident and was in a bad way. So being the good big brother I am,  I started packing up right away. All the while Taffy watched me with this sad look on his face. Was it because he knew my brother Jim had given Taffy to me for my 21st birthday, and he might be in a life threatening condition? Or because he knew I wasn't going to be around to feed him? I did not know. All I knew was my bro-bro needed me and I needed someone to feed Taffy. Not knowing who else to turn to, I ran down the hall and asked Mister Johnson. He was the only person I had not taken the time to get to know properly. I fully meant to, but I didn't have time.

"Mister Johnson! Hello?..", he opened the door almost right away. "Whats wrong, son?", " I have a family thing going on and I am going to be out of town for a few days and....", by this time I most have looked totally deranged. The old man was staring at me with a horribly worried look on his kind face. "...I was wondering if you would feed my cat for me?", " Of course. Do you have a spare key? And cat food?", " Yeah.".

Thank god for his complete understanding and cooperation.  After I showed him where the food and litter box was, he sent me on my way. I throw my bags in the car and drove off. I got to my Mom's house at around 3 in the morning. It turns out he had only broken his arm. Jim has always been a cry baby, but I love him. I stayed with him for a least 5 days before going home. I was worried about Taffy and Mister Johnson.

When I got home, I found no sign of Taffy. I Knocked on mister Johnson's door. "Hey, sonny.", " Hi, Mister Johnson. Do you know where Taffy is? I got back and couldn't find him.", " Yes. I moved him in with me. He got very upset after you left. I didn't want to leave a suicidal cat in a big apartment all alone. I hope you're not mad." How could I be mad at him? I was glad he was worried about my cat's mental health. "Not at all.", "Okay, lets move him back in with you.", " Sounds great."

After we got Taffy settled in, we had a beer. This evening beer routine went on for 6 months thereafter. We talked about everything, family, friends, food, jobs, religion, government, and getting old.

One night around 11 Mister Johnson put down his beer. "How long have we been friends, Rob?", he asked me, "Oh, I don't know, about 7 months now.", " And what have we talked about?", " Almost everything, I think.", " Almost. You know, Robbie, you remind me of myself when I was your age. I just want to know how much alike we really are. So tell me, Robbie, why don't you have a girlfriend? I want a real answer. Not the one you gave Netty Patterson and the girls."

What could I say? I didn't want to say anything. I didn't want to tell my best friend I was gay. What if he hated me after that? We hadn't talked about gays yet. Not at all. I didn't know what he was going to say, but I couldn't lie to him.

"Well, Mister Johnson, I don't have a girlfriend because I am gay.", "I thought as much. I knew we had something on common. ", "I......What? Are you gay, Mister Johnson?", " Ain't that what I just said? Haven't you ever wondered why I don't have a wife? Or kids around?", he said. He was telling the truth. "Yeah. But I just figured your family had passed on. Out lived you or something. I didn't think you were gay."

Now that I think about it, I had never seen him with family.
"You wouldn't have thought. I am pretty good at hiding it by now. I did have a wife once. And a kid.", " What happened to them?", " Benny and I had been married for a year when she got pregnant. She was only 6 months along when she had to give birth to the baby. His name was Allen, he lived for three days after being born. We never left his side. After the funeral I hold Benny I was gay. She told me she had known the whole time. And she still loved me. Not so much like a husband but more like a best friend. I wanted a kid just as much she did, and we had one for three beautiful days. A year later we got a divorce. She died last year in June. I was with her when she passed, she told me to find someone who makes  me happy. And I did. I found you, Robbie. You are the son I never got to have or hold."

I couldn't help it. I cried. Hard. I had a hard time stopping with 3 beers in me already. It took a while before I could talk.

"I grew up without a dad. You are the dad I never had, Mister Johnson. I am glad I asked you to feed my cat."

It felt good. The whole thing was awesome. Mister Johnson got a son and I got a dad. I guess homosexuality runs in the family.

I work a lot now, I am gone from 11am till 10pm and I can't be home to feed Taffy. Now Mister Johnson feeds him. Not only that, but he got to keep Taffy for his very own. I am glad I moved here. Now mom and Jim come down to visit Mister Johnson and I all the time. I wish I had more to say, But that is all.

Mister Johnson is the man who feeds my cat lunch.

By Lockley H Crisman.

Thanks for reading. Could I have done better? I probably could have. Anyway, tell me what y'all think!

Enough To

A moan
A groan
A touch

Is enough to make the blood rush
Its you who makes me blush

Pull hair
Play fair
Take a dare

Is enough to make me go bare
While the soft lights glare

A laugh
A word
A phrase

Say it again
It made my heart race

UnButtoned

In your button up shirt miles away
It is enought to make my nerves fray

Come on over
Didn't you know its time to play?

A button up shirt run could mean
A night of unbottened shirt fun

Let me help you out of your button up shirt
Let me read the Queer label
Having fun on the kitchen table

Pull it off
Rip it off
Ease it off

Let me help you out of your button up shirt
You know I am a terrible flirt

26 is not Fucking Enough

When words aren't enough
When bodies get rough

Sooner not later
Love her not hater her

I can't live without my master debater
I can't belittle or berate her

Kiss at noon
Kiss under the moon
Feel like a spoon

No more smoke
Not without her

Make up my mind
And take the time
To fully make her mine

Not to know what they look like
Not to know the stories
Is a fucked thing to have been saddened with

Kiss at noon
Kiss under the moon
Feel like a spoon

Lay on the bed and cover my head
Give up and make like you're dead
Lay back on my bed

Discourage

Discourage and dishearten
Reckless abandon
Reeling realizations

Bound by glory
Tied by meekness
Founded on resistance

Feed on fears
Water with worries
Beaten by Beloved

Forgotten and forgiven
Spirit of soul
Soulful and powerful

More than most
Less than some
Moon and sun

Mixed Messages

How does one mix a message?
Put the words in a blender?
Toss them into a tornado?
Slice and dice them like a Ginsu Chef?

Mixing messages is not meant to confuse or confound anyone. They are simply to make the conversation more interesting.

Thanks for reading!

Hat Seller

The Hat Seller next to me is a good man. He has always been good to my family and I. At first glance, he seems like a man who would have a short plump sweet faced wife and at the very least six children. But upon closer inspection, it turns out he has no wife and no children.

It seems such a waste that such a sweet man must go without a loving family. Granted, he does have many relatives to keep him company, but none of his own. Cousins and nephews may be good for the time being but, it would be nice to imagine the Hat Seller going home to a house filled with home cooked smells and many kids.

I know not the depth of the Hat Seller's heart. I can imagine he has much love to give.

Inspired by
A Family Friend & Canton Texas

Love Story. Erotic humor.

It was dark. So dark I could hardly see Andrew's outline in the driver's seat. Oh dear god he is so hot, I thought to myself. Dare I kiss him after all that Italian food? He had some too. What the hell.

We had just stopped at Pull Out Point. Can you imagine? Me and the hottest and most popular guy on campus, at Pull Out Point! Pull Out Point is the most romantic place in Gasumberry. And almost every kid in Gasumberry was made here. So why not migrate back to the very spot you were made to make a regrettable choice of your own.

The view from the windsheild was as iconic and unexciting as any makeout point in any teen movie. But I couldn't help myself. I was thinking about what was about to heppen. I was so hot for Andrew, he was so unbelievably sexy for a Hipster. His package looked so good in his fair tread skinny jeans.

"What do you want to do now, Abby?", he asked. " I don't know. What do you want to do?", I said, "I don't know. I can be really indecisive at times, ya know?" As he said this, he looked out his window as if my answer to his question was hiding in the overgrown rose bush next to the car. "Maybe if we made out for a few minutes it would help us figure things out?", I said. And in the sexiest most blase voice he could muster, " Sounds like a plan."

Moving in close, he lightly thouched his lips to mine. Starting slowly and then suddenly, we were going at it like two horny ferrets.

The ZING was the first thing I noticed when our lips met. And when we moved closer to each other, I felt something else. Something very pysical, very real, and very of the human male. I was trying to maneuver my way around the dashborad and center console to sit on his lap. If I told you it didn't look awkward, I would be lying. In my selfish rush to feel up his boner, I also managed to hit my head on the rearview mirror, and turn on the radio with my ass. As Firsh Air with Teri Gross was blairing oh so unsexally in the background, Andrew was trying to put the driver's seat back so I could get on top of him. "This isn't working....", I said, " let's try the back." "Okay, Babe.", he said.
In a less than hot manner, he flopped me onto the back seat. When he finally got the driver's seat back in the upright position, he jumped on me. Somehow kneeing me in the taco and mashing my left boob. "Ouch! What the FUCK?!", " Oh my god! I really didn't mean to do that! I am so sorry. Are you okay?", "Yeah, I'm fine.", "Do you still wanna......", " Yeah! No, come on. I am so hot for you."

As he made up for killing my tittyboob, he pulled off my top and begain pinching my nipples. It felt good for a minute or so when I lost my grip on the locked door handle. I half fell half slid of the small back seat. Little did I know, Andrew hadn't let go of my nipple yet, so as I fell my right nipple almost came off aswell. "Ouch! Ouch! Let Go! Ahh!", "What?! What happened? Where are you going?", "Nowhere! I slipped off the seat.", "Oh. Sorry. Come here, I'll take care of you. Look at this." 

As I sat up to see what he had for me, I hit my fourarm on the back cup holder on the center concol. Guess what he had for me? It was his dick! In full magnificent glory, ready for the taking. Or was I ready for the taking? All that aside, it wasn't very big. Not at all. "What do you think?", he asked, "Its.....nice." , I lied. " Ya wanna touch it?", he asked. At some point I most have lost all feeling in my loins because the thought of giving this once hot guy a handy just grossed me out. In my haste to get away from the uncomfortable experience, I jumpped up and, yet again, hit my head. This time on the roof of the car. Falling back down into the seat and Andrew's hardon. "Ouch! Oh my god! I think you broke it!", "No I didn't! I am sorry!", "Ahhh!", he sreamed. In bewteen Andrew's girlish sreams I found my garments under the seats.

Long story short, the back seat of my Hipster ex-boyfriend's compact car was not the best spot for getting it on. Thanks, Andrew. Thanks.

All I Think Of

My heart drops when I think of you
When my heart drops I don't know what to do

As if it could save my life
I look to the sky
Wondering if you see the same one as I

No longer one but not yet two
It is the sad silly story of me and you

Being far but feeling you so near
Knowing not anything of fear

I hold on to this ring as if it could
Bring you here

Inspired by
Anything by Pixies for some reason

Not All, Yet Some

Not all who speak are heard

Not all who are gifted are blessed

Not all who are cursed are damned

Not all who believe have hope

Not all who cry are sad

Not all who have soul are soldiers

Not all who have looked have seen

Not all who read know

All who love are loved

Texas Winter Day

Watch life around me on a Texas Winter Day

Listen to the bugs as the green grass blades sway

Sitting in the sun
Thinking to alomst feels like May

The wind comes in waves
Sweet yet also grave
Telling me the day must end

I shall sleep well tonight
Remembering the sweet sounds of busy bugs
While my mother gives me good night hugs

And welcoming the rain we haven't had in weeks

Yes how I love that summer heat on my cheeks.

Inspiered By

Take a walk ~ Passion Pit
Some day ~ Two Door Cinema Club

Voice of Yours

Smoke and Rust
and
Love and Lust

Words of mind
and timeless time

Wisdom is the heat
That burns in your eyes

And from inside I hear
The maddening crys

Many have known
And many have said
But none have longed as I

And now I am glad to say
Good-Bi

Must the Human Condition

Must we be the way we are?
Why must it have come this far?

The Human Condition is blocking our mission
And no one even saw the vision

Fight the might of the mind
And thus we leave it all behind
Making the Virgin Mary cry

Must we smoke this harmful dope?
We must forgive and not tie it in rope
If we do
All that is left is hope

We may all run around and around
The Path of Mortality and Morality
But that does not save us from our
Humanity


I looked up the Human Condition a few days ago. Can you tell?
Thanks for reading!

Love,
Lockley

No Homo

If you are a male
When you tell your guy friend
He looks good today
Remember to say
"No Homo"

Throwback Thursday: Remembering Shel Silverstein

What the hell is happening, Dreamstone?!

              I thought I would do the whole trhowback thursday thing. So today I have a Silverstein-ish poem for you all. Now, I didn't read any Shel books until last year. But when I did...........I fell in love with him. I know his poms are for kids. but I just love them. Come to think of it, he helped me realize I wanted to write poems! So, Thanks a lot!

Hey, they call it throwback thursday not throwback friday for a reason, right? ha ha. But it is 11:02PM so I should get the show on the road. Here goes....


Living Alone in Maxwell's House

I'd live alone in Maxwell's house
Drink coffee all day and
Not need to pray

I'd play all his game
And over feed his cat
And I'd never wipe my feet on the mat......shhhh

I'd put on all his hats
And let in wild bats!
And maybe even Bobcats......shhhh

I'd eat all his food
And be in a joyful mood
And be happy in knowing I did no good......shhhh

When he was ready to come home
I'd steal his cat and take the never used mat

And I'd need to say,
Maxwell needs to change his locks......shhhh

Your Name and Our Pain

This is just something I thought of when singing a song. It's a love story. One lover is living and the other passed away. But she knows they will meet again.

If I had to choose between
The Fame and the Pain
I'd choose the Pain
Because I know that the Pain
Means that I knew you from before

If I had to choose between
Your name and the Pain
I'd choose your name
Because I know that your name
Means that I'll know you once more

I Hate My Grandmother

She is picking aroung like a bloody great hen
He is an old and ill man

Not only does she pick on me
But she will also pick on he

She talks of times when she'd smack them over her knee
All the time like, " 1,2,3!".

Grandma and Grandpa
She waits over his death bed
And says nothing nice to float inside his head

She said only if he had money
Would they ever be wed

My Grandmother is a green, mean, mad witch. Queen Bee bitch.


Hey y'all!
I Hate My Grandmother is a poem about my real life grandma. Just so you know, she is a very, very mean person. Used me too many times for me to forget. Thanks for reading!

Love,
Lockley